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I'm finding myself treading a line between financial responsibility and upsetting my family.  Sorry in advance, this post will be a bit long.

Every year, my parents plan a cruise and invite my wife and I to join them.  And every year, I have to tell them "Sorry, the money's just not there this year."  While this is true every year for us, it might even be an understatement this year. 

Since the birth of our baby late last year, my wife and I have had to cut way back on our monthly expenses - at the same time, still trying to save for the future and pay down debt.  I know I'm not the only one out there going through this, but that bit of knowledge doesn't make it any easier.

Anyway, back to the cruise.  Normally, I'd have no problems giving them my standard money excuse and going on my merry way.  Unfortunately, this year is different for two reasons.

1. Many more relatives are going this year.
2. My dad was diagnosed last month with cancer (fortunately, so far, the prognosis is pretty good).

Still, if the money's not there, it's not there.  I had a discussion with them letting them know I'd have to back out.  I was a bit shocked at what happened next.  My parents actually got upset with me and quickly got off the phone.  Here I am, trying to be a responsible parent and this was the result?

My mom called me a few days later and apologized for being short with me.  But she went on to say how important it was to my dad that we were there this year.  I told them I'd just drive down and spend a week or two at their house (ahh, the joys of being able to work from home if I need to).  This was met with more resistance and the conversation ended abruptly.

Again, my mom called and asked if the money was the only reason I wasn't going on the cruise.  "Of course it was" I told her.  It was then that she offered to pay for all of us to go.  I said absolutely not.  I just wouldn't feel comfortable accepting so much money.  I've been working since I was 13y/o and paying for everything I need with very few exceptions since then. 

Fast-forward a week.. and my wife and I are out walking our dog when the cruise came back up in conversation.  My wife helped me realize their point-of-view.  They don't care about the money.  They're doing well enough that it's not a big deal to them.  The most important thing to them is that everyone is together for at least one family vacation.  Here I was, being selfish for letting my own financial ideals get in the way of my parents' happiness (especially when my dad is battling cancer).

So I decided to compromise a bit.  Barring any unforeseen events, I, along with my wife and daughter, WILL be going on the cruise.  I still can't let them pay though.  Even if I am being selfish, I just can't do it.  Instead, I'm going to stop saving for anything (except for retirement) for the next few months and instead funnel all of that money towards a vacation fund.  If it looks like it's going to be short, I'll sell whatever I can afford to get rid of to make up the difference (which is probably something I should do anyway).

Note - I should note that although it probably doesn't come off that way above, my parents and I have a VERY good relationship.  We call each other and video-chat over the computer a few times a week.  And we meet up a few times every year (they're a few states away).